Red Mobster at Red Lobster

After church on Sunday is a very tricky time. The kiddies are tired and worn out from the weekend and need food as soon as humanly possible. So we always sprint to the nearest brunch spot and hope for speedy service. Today we ended up at Red Lobster.

I have been to Red Lobster maybe three times in my life. It always seemed like an expensive anniversary favorite with mood lighting and fancy flags. But since I scored a gift card with a wicked discount, I figured it was worth another shot.

Our experience was so memorable that I feel compelled to share with you exactly how to have an entertaining meal with two toddlers at a fancy seafood joint:


  1. Show up really hungry. The more famished the babies are, the louder they squeal. And the higher the octaves. It's scientifically verified.
  2. Forget to ask for cheese bread before the dinner comes out. This intensifies the crescendo of groans and intensifies the gnashing of teeth.
  3. Order healthy food for the kids, like shrimp and broccoli. Then order yourself the fried catfish with fries.
  4. Let your children eat off porcelain plates that sound great when dropped on the floor.
  5. Give the fifteen-month-old a vat of ketchup just to see what he'll do with it. Laugh until your gut hurts afterward.
  6. Wonder incredulously why your children become frenzied sharks on your plate, ignoring their own nutritious offerings.
  7. Forget the whole ordeal and splurge on a giant ice cream-laden cookie for dessert. More intense laughing will follow.
  8. Pay the bill and sing a farewell song to the lobsters and slightly disgruntled servers on the way out.


Prices pretty much stink for the quality and quantity of food served. We made out with a bowl of clam chowder, two entrees, one kid's meal, a side of broccoli and dessert for $41, including tip. We did, however, get a great deal on the gift card and I was pleased to be able to leave a tip from the remaining balance of the card. Absolutely not worth the price for the food, but beyond a great deal for the entertainment. We'll be back next week for sure.